May one celebrate Valentines Day?

Valentine’s Day is celebrated on February 14th each year. It’s a day dedicated to love and affection, often marked by giving flowers, chocolates, and cards to ones spouse. The question is asked regarding if a Jew may commemorate this Holiday by doing the above. The Halachic questions involved is whether the Holiday derives from a foreign religion, and whether celebrating it transgresses the prohibitions of “Darkei Emori” and “Bechukoseiheim Lo Seileichu.” To understand this subject properly, we will preface it with a general introduction as to its History and initiation.

1. The history:

Valentine’s Day has historical roots in paganism, in the Roman festival of Lupercalia, celebrated in mid-February. This Roman festival Lupercalia, was about fertility and purification, and involved rituals to avert evil spirits and purify the city, releasing health and fertility. When Christianity spread, the church often repurposed pagan festivals to fit Christian narratives. Thus, it later became associated with St. Valentine, a Christian martyr. Saint Valentine is a bit of a mystery figure. There are multiple saints named Valentine in Christian history, but the one most associated with Valentine’s Day is believed to have been a priest in Rome during the 3rd century. Legend has it he performed secret marriages against the emperor’s wishes. He’s thought to have been executed for his actions, which is why he’s honored as a martyr. His story became linked with love and romance, giving rise to the holiday we know now. Saint Valentine, associated with love and martyrdom, became a fitting figure for the newly Christianized holiday. Over time, this evolved into Valentine’s Day, focusing on romantic love.

Who celebrates Valentine’s Day, which countries? Valentine’s Day is celebrated in many countries around the world, though the traditions can vary. It’s popular in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, and much of Europe. It’s also observed in countries like Japan, South Korea, and China, where it’s often adopted with unique cultural twists. Some countries have their own versions of a day dedicated to love, like Brazil’s “Dia dos Namorados.” Valentine’s Day isn’t widely observed in many Muslim-majority countries, and in some places, it’s even discouraged or banned due to religious and cultural reasons. However, in more secular or mixed regions, some people do celebrate it, often as a day to express affection to loved ones, friends, or family.

Does Valentine’s Day have anything to do with Hallmark company cards? The association of Valentine’s Day with Hallmark comes from the commercialization of Valentine’s Day in the 20th century. Hallmark and other companies capitalized on the holiday by mass-producing greeting cards, making it a significant part of the modern celebration. While the day has historical roots, its current form, especially in Western cultures, is heavily influenced by commercial interests. So, while it’s not just a “Hallmark holiday,” they certainly played a big role in shaping how we celebrate it today.

Its traditions and customs: People often exchange cards, flowers, and gifts like chocolates or jewelry. Romantic dinners, weekend getaways, and even proposals can be part of the celebration. Some Christians, particularly Roman Catholics, may attend Mass on Valentine’s Day, especially since it’s the feast day of Saint Valentine. It’s not universally observed as a religious holiday, but some churches might have special services or prayers to honor the saint. However, it’s more commonly celebrated as a secular holiday focused on romance.

1. The Halacha:

It is forbidden to take any part in a celebration associated with idolatry.[1] It is likewise forbidden for one to follow the path of gentiles or try to be like them.[2]  It is likewise forbidden to perform actions that have no meaning and are considered Darkei Emori.[3] Accordingly, some Rabbanim[4] rule that one is not to commemorate or celebrate Valentines Day due to it infringing on some or all of the above issues.[5] This is in addition to the fact that the entire day celebrates a concept that is meant to be private and modest, which is the love and romance between a couple, and most certainly the day is also used by some secular people for engaging in activities that are immoral, immodest, and forbidden according to Jewish law. This is certainly not something that we want our children to be brought up to emulate. However, the counter argument can be made that since the day is no longer associated with idolatry or the Christian church by most people, it has therefore become divested of its idolatrous roots, and is simply a secular holiday with no religious connotation. Likewise, the concept the giving a gift or card or chocolate to someone whom one loves, is logical and understandable and is certainly not considered the ways of the Gentiles, and on the contrary it is the custom of Jews going back forever to give gifts to their spouses and to show affection and endearment. A similar argument ahs been made in the Poskim[6] to permit the celebration of Thanksgiving. Nonetheless, some of Poskim[7] maintain [regarding Thanksgiving and the same would apply regarding Valentine’s Day] that despite the above possible allowance it is forbidden to make any set secular holiday into a set Holiday that must be celebrated annually, and rather it is to be voluntary each year and only done on occasion.[8] [Practically, my personal conclusion is that it is not befitting to commemorate or celebrate this day both due to its paganist and Christian roots, as well as due to its content, as we should not be learning the Torah perspective of love and romance from the Gentiles. One who desires to give his wife a gift or a card or chocolate can find any other day of the year to do so. Nonetheless, it would be questionable to state that this is an outright prohibition. Certainly, one does not have to go out of his way to make sure to not give a gift or card or chocolate to his wife on February 14 just because it’s Valentine’s Day, and if that’s the day that he happened to have a gift for her then he may give it to her. Likewise, if the matter is very meaningful for one’s wife and she will be deeply offended if a gift is not given in honor of Valentine’s Day, then while he may give her a gift, it would be best to give the gift a day before or a day after, after explaining to her the Halachic issue with giving it that day, and the pagan and Christian background of the holiday.]

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[1] See Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 148

^[2] Michaber and Rama Y.D. 178:1

[3] Admur 301:33

[4] It is quite certain that those rabbis who forbid celebrating Thanksgiving which is not rooted in paganism would even more prohibited celebrating Valentine’s Day, and so is ruling of a number of today’s Rabbis. Furthermore, perhaps even those rabbis who permitted celebrating Thanksgiving would prohibit celebrating Valentine’s Day being that it is rooted in idolatry unlike Thanksgiving [See Igros Moshe E.H. 2:13; Y.D. 4:11-4; O.C. 5:11-4]

[5] The reason: As Some Poskim rule that due to the prohibition of “Ubechukoseihem Lo Seileichu” one may not imitate a practice of the gentiles unless it originated from Jewish sources. [See Gr”a Y.D. 178:7; Darkei Teshuvah Y.D. 178:14]

[6] Igros Moshe Y.D. 4:11-4 “Thus, it is obvious in my opinion, that even in a case where something would be considered a prohibited gentile custom, if many people do it for reasons unrelated to their religion or law, but rather because it is pleasurable to them, there is no prohibition of imitating gentile custom. So too, it is obvious that if gentiles were to make a religious law to eat a particular item that is good to eat, halacha would not prohibit eating that item. So too, any item of pleasure in the world cannot be prohibited merely because gentiles do so out of religious observance.’”

[7] Igros Moshe Y.D. ibid; 5:20-6; O.C. 5:30-6

[8] The reason: As doing so transgresses the prohibition of Darkei Emori and “Ubechukoseiheim Lo Seileichu” as there is not enough logical explanation to set the day for all generations as a day of celebration. It also transgresses Baal Tosif. [Igros Moshe ibid]