13. Significant ages:
14. Age Three:

The age of three years old is associated with Chinuch of a child, being that at three years of age, the child has reached a certain level of mental maturity that allows for his education to begin. Thus, we find that Avraham Avinu recognized Hashem at three years of age.[1] Likewise, the Midrash[2] states that from age three the father begins to educate his child in Torah. In Halacha[3] we find that a father a Biblically obligated to teach his young child Torah, as the verse states “Velimaditem Es Bneichem Lidaber Bam”, and when does this obligation begin, from when the child begins to talk. At that point, the father is to teach him the verse of Torah Tziva and the first verse of Shema Yisrael.

The G-dly soul begins to enter at the age of education and then begins the Kelipos: The Alter Rebbe states in Shulchan Aruch:[4] The G-dly soul only completely and mainly enters a person when he reaches the age of Bar or Bas Mitzvah, and it is for this reason that when they reach this age they become Biblically obligated to keep the commands, and are punished for transgression. Now, the beginning of the entrance of the G-dly soul into a child’s body is from the age that the Sages obligated the child to be educated in Torah and Mitzvos. Thus, once the child has reached the age of Chinuch, one must be careful to educate them to wash hands after awakening in the morning. However, before the age of Chinuch, since the G-dly soul has not even begun to enter their body, this impurity does not desire to seek nurture from their bodies upon them sleeping.

Upsherinish: An Upsherinish is the first haircut given to a boy and represents the child’s education in Torah and Mitzvos, as the haircut leaves the son with visible Peyos, which is the traditional appearance of a Jew.[5] This ceremony is alternatively called by the term “Chinuch Mitzvah.[6]” This haircut is given upon him reaching three years of age. The age-old Jewish custom is to have the boy grow out his hair until age three, and to be particular not to give him a haircut prior to this age.

The reason we cut the hair at age three: Based on all the above, we can offer a possible explanation for why we cut the hair at age three: Since at age three the child reaches an age of mental maturity which formally allows the start of his education, therefore, the G-dly soul begins entering the body of the child at age three. Once the G-dly soul begins to reside in the body, the Kelipos are now able to nurture from it. For this reason, we cut the child’s hair and cease the nurturing of Kelipos which is represented by the hair. We likewise cut the hair to banish future foreign lusts from the child already at a young age.

The significance of age three – A teaching from Likkutei Torah Parshas Kedoshim:

The age of three holds much significance in Jewish thought and literature. For example, it states that Avraham recognized his creator at age three. Likewise, a girl is not considered fit for intimacy and hence cannot be consecrated through intimacy until age three. The reason for this is because prior to age 3 a girl is not considered fit for unity. The mystical reason behind all this is as follows: The first three years of a person’s life correspond to the three completely unclean Kelipos, [during which one is not capable of truly giving up of himself for another, whether it be G-d or another person in marriage].

• The divine lesson: Any parent knows how frustrating it is to deal with a two-year-olds temper tantrum. Toddlers tend to be overly selfish, as is expressed in their over possessiveness of items that may not necessarily even be theirs, and their inability to share with others. It is literally often, “their way or the highway [i.e. mom driving away to escape the screams].” As much as we try to educate them to be kind and share it often falls on deaf ears. The above teaching sheds some light onto this behavior and can help parents manage dealing with their child during this stage of selfishness and self-centeredness. Prior to age 3, the divine energy that shines onto the child’s animal soul to enliven it comes from a level of Kelipa which is the epitome of ego and self-centeredness, and does not contain any space for another person to be invited inside. Therefore, the only thing that exists to the child prior to age three is what they want and desire. The wants and desires of other people is completely irrelevant to them. For this exact reason, they cannot marry. After reaching age 3, their level of nurture from Kelipa changes and they now begin to nurture from a level of evil that contains also good. Now is the main time to begin their education in acts of sharing and selflessness. How interesting is it that countless studies have found that by age 3 children begin to show genuine compassion and empathy.[7] We now have learned the reason behind it.

 

1. Age Six:

Tzitzis: A child is obligated to wear a Tallis Katan from the age of six and onwards.[8] Regarding children that have reached the age of Chinuch, which is from age six until the age of thirteen, one may be lenient to follow those opinions[9] that rule the minimum measurement of a Tallis is a total of one Ama in width and one Ama in length.[10]

Cheder – Talmud Torah:[11] In previous times, the son would not be brought to Cheder until he was six-seven years of age. He would be homeschooled by his father until this age. From when he can talk he would be taught verses of Torah by heart until age four. [Immediately[12]] after turning three, he would be taught the letters of the Alphabet.[13] At age four he would be taught how to read and he would continue to practice reading the written Torah until age 6-7, when he would be brought to the Milameid.[14] In today’s time’s, however, this system has changed, and the custom is for a son to be brought to Cheder at a much earlier age, as explained next.

 

1. Age 12/13 – Bar & Bas Mitzvah:

See Chapter 1 and 2!

  Age Eighteen:

The suggested age for marriage: It is a Mitzvah upon every man to marry a woman at 18 years of age.[15] [The Rebbe strongly encouraged this approach.[16] Some Poskim[17] rule this means that one should get married as soon as he begins his 18th year, which is after turning 17 years of age.] One who precedes and marries at 13 years of age [has fulfilled] the Mitzvah Min Hamuvchar.[18] [However, in today’s times, one is not to get married this young.[19]] 

 

1. Age twenty:[20]

The significance of age 20: Our sages teach us that a child is not able to perform real estate sales with his father’s assets until he reaches the age of 20 years old. What is significant about the age of 20 that specifically at that age one becomes mature enough to perform real estate sales? The explanation is that at the age of 20 a child receives the encompassing level of the soul of his father. This refers to the level of will that surpasses intellect. In the words of Kabbala this is known as Mochin Deaba. This refers to accessing a great reservoir of wisdom and in-depth comprehension that one does not have access to prior to this age. Prior to age 20, however one only contains Mochin Deima, and hence lacks intellectual maturity to understand things in greater breath and greater depth than the way they appear to the naked eye. This is why a child under age 20 may not sell his father’s assets, as he may make a rushed and spontaneous decision which although provides instant cash and gratification is possibly unproductive for his long-term investment goals. After reaching age 20, he attains the intellectual maturity to make more rational decisions based on an in-depth analysis of the long-term effects of his real estate sale. [Seemingly, it is also due to this reason that it is recorded[21] that children below the age of 20 have certain leniencies regarding punishment for transgression, as although they become responsible for Torah and Mitzvot once they reach the age of Bar Mitzvah, nonetheless, they still lack the full intellectual maturity in making rational decisions in serving God.]

• The divine lesson: One of the famous quotes of the American writer and humorist Mark Twain was “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” In shorter words, “until 20 years old my parents were total ignoramuses and in one day they learned so much.” Whether you are a parent or a teacher of adolescent children, it is not uncommon to hear the teen make factually incorrect statements which they believe are absolutely true and continue to argue with you when corrected. The distance between their actual knowledge and their oversized confidence is often astronomical, or as one person once put it that if they jumped from their ego to their knowledge it could be suicidal. On one occasion, I witnessed a 13-year-old yeshiva student arguing with a seasoned Dayan five times his age who deals with Gittin over a certain halachic matter in the realm of divorce, and only after a half-hour of back-and-forth did the child finally agree to his mistake. On another occasion, an adolescent remained steadfast that the city of Berlin was the capital of Spain despite being told by the adults that were near him that it is not. He argued against them until he was actually shown it in three separate maps! All of this can prove very frustrating for teachers and parents, who feels slighted at the youngsters brushing away their knowledge, and at the impudence that they have in thinking they know better than adults. The above teaching of the Alter Rebbe can help the parent or teacher lessen the negative feelings that he may have towards the stubborn teenager who thinks he knows everything. Prior to age 20, a child does not have fully independent intellectual capabilities. Meaning, he can’t think out-of-the-box, or foresee into the depths of matters. If he thinks that he once heard that Berlin is the capital of Spain then so it is. He is very assured of his conscious knowledge as he does not yet have access to the subconscious knowledge known as Mochin Deaba, which helps him understand that logic and intellect can go beyond what he personally understands to be true. The age of 20 gives one an intellectual maturity to be more open-minded to other people’s opinions, advice, and the long-term effect of a given decision. With age, the teenager will grow out of it eventually and lessen the grip on his view on the facts of life in the face of the opinion of others. Interesting, the fact that adolescence and the teenage years ends at age 20 fits right into the above teaching of the Alter Rebbe who has now given us the inner reason behind it. Nonetheless, it is also true that parents should find a beneficial way in correcting the child and teaching him the concept of open-mindedness to the opinion others, and eventually this message will ring home after 20 years old.

Liability for sins:[22] Once one has reached the age of Bar/Bas Mitzvah they are held liable for their actions and to receive punishment. Nonetheless, certain leniencies regarding punishment are recorded, as explained. The Talmud relates that in the future, our forefathers will argue with God on the virtues of the Jewish people with saying that most of our life we do not sin, and in the calculation of proving this statement it states that those under age 20 are not held liable for punishment. Rashi there explains that this is derived from the fact that in the 40 year stay in the desert God did not punish those who were under age 20 to die while in the desert. Nonetheless, the Poskim explain that this is not to be understood literally, as certainly once a child has become bar/bas mitzvah he becomes liable for all mitzvah’s of the Torah. The following explanations have been given:

• Some explain that the intent of the above statement is that they are not liable for the transgressions performed during the 40 year stay in the desert and only in regards to the special commands given them. Likewise, the above Talmudic statement is part of the allegorical parts of Torah and is not Halacha. [Chasam Sofer]
• Others explain that it means that although prior to age 20 one does not receive punishments for his sins, nonetheless after age 20 he receives punishment for sins committed even prior to age 20. Likewise, even prior to age 20 the soul is judged in heaven for his sins if he passes away prior to age 20, and he is punished for such sins. [Chacham Tzevi]
• Others explain that it simply means that he is not punished by a physical Beis Din until age 20 but is punished by God even prior to age 20. [Noda Beyehuda]
• Others explain that prior to age 20 he is punished for all sins which are explicit in the Torah and is only exempt from punishment for those sins that are learned from logic. [Chavos Yair]
• Others explain that he is only exempt from the punishment of Kareis, although is held liable for all other punishments of transgressing positive or negative commands. [Rav Poalim; Rambam]

1. Age 40:

The age of 40 contains unique significance in both Halachic literature and Chazal, as we will list below.

Ben Arbaim Lebina-Age of Binah-Understanding: At the age of 40 one reaches the age of understanding.[23] This means that he is now able to understand the depth of teachings of Torah, and to novelize many new laws and interpretations of verses.[24] This is because at this age a person reaches mental and intellectual maturity.[25]

Morei Horah according to all opinions:[26] The Talmud[27] states that at age 40 one reaches the age of Horah, in which he can Pasken. Now, it is debated amongst the Rishonim and Poskim as to the intent of this Talmudic statement. Some Poskim[28] understand it to mean that one may not Pasken until age 40. Other Poskim[29] understand it as discussing one who is able to Pasken but refuses to do so, that until age 40 he may avoid Paskening, although may Pasken if he so chooses, and past age 40 he may not refuse to Pasken. Practically, the Sephardim[30] all rule like the latter approach, and hence there is no issue for a qualified Sephardi Posek to Pasken even prior to age 40. However, the Ashkenazim[31] took the former approach and ruled that one should not Pasken until age 40. Nonetheless, even according to this approach there are various leniencies suggested, and practically the widespread custom of even Ashkenazim is to permit Paskening prior to age 40 despite the ruling of the Rama.[32] Nonetheless, some community guidelines require that an elected Rav be at least 40 years old to be eligible, in light of the above original Talmudic statement and ruling of Rama.

Learning Kabbalah:[33] [In previous times,] there was a limitation against studying certain Kabbalistic works until age 40. From age 40 and onwards this became permitted.

Publishing Sefarim:[34] In previous times, there were communities which made institution that one may not publish any Sefer in Halacha or Gemara until age 40.

Drinking versus eating:[35] Until age 40 eating is more beneficial for the body than drinking. From age 40, drinking is more beneficial for the body than eating.

Gezeiras Hamashkeh:[36] The known “Gezeira” of the Rebbe to not drink more than a Revius of Mashkeh [alcohol] applies only until age 40. Although even after age 40 they must diminish in their drinking.

Significance of the number 40 in Halacha and Chazal:[37] The sages[38] state that one does not reach an age of understanding of his teacher until age 40. Likewise, the sages[39] state that for 40 days before a child is born they declare in heaven as to whom he will be married to. Likewise, we find that the minimum measurement for a Mikveh is 40 Seah.[40] According to some opinions[41], Avraham recognized his creator at age 40.

1. Age 60:[42]

It is an old tradition to celebrate the 60th birthday with a special party and Siyum Misechta.[43] The celebration is held in commemoration of the fact that one has passed the age of 60 and not received Kareis.

_______________________________________________________________

[1] Tanchuma Vayeira 22:3

[2] Pesikta Zutrasi; Tanchuma Tetzaveh

[3] Admur in Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:1; Michaber 245:5; Rambam Talmud Torah 1:6; Sukkah 42a

[4] Basra 4:2

[5] Mishnas Chassidim Miseches Iyar Vesivan 1:7; Shaareiy Teshuvah O.C. 531:7 in name of Gan Hamelech; Shivim Temarim Kapos Temarim 14

[6] Shivim Temarim Kapos Temarim 14

[7] See https://choc.org/primary-care/ages-stages/3-years/  “How Does My 3-Year-Old Child Interact With Others? While every child is unique and will develop different personalities, the following are some of the common behavioral traits that may be present in your child: Begins to share and likes to play with other children. Can take turns. Temper tantrums are less frequent. Begins to show feelings in socially acceptable ways.”

[8] Siddur Admur “A child is considered to have reached the age of Chinuch for the Mitzvah of Tzitzis from 6 years old and onwards.”; Lev Chaim 101; Ben Ish Chaiy Lech Lecha 14; Kaf Hachaim 17:10

Ruling of Admur in Shulchan Aruch and other Poskim: In 16:1 Admur rules that a child is considered to reach the age of Chinuch for Tzitzis from the age of 9. This follows the ruling of the M”A 16:1 and so rules M”B 16:9; See Bach; Sefer Hachinuch 386; Ridbaz 2:2

[9] Peri Haaretz 1 brought in Birkeiy Yosef 16:1; Chesed Lealafim 16:5; Many Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 16:2 agreed to this opinion; See Haaros Ubiurim 779; See also Beir Heiytiv 16:1 in name of Peri Haaretz who brings an opinion that holds of an even lesser Shiur; Piskeiy Teshuvos 17:2 writes the Shiur is to be a minimum of 24 by 24 cm on each side.

[10] Siddur Admur; Piskeiy Teshuvos 17:2 writes the Shiur is to be a minimum of 24 by 24 cm on each side for a 6 year old, however it should be 36 x 36 cm for a nine year old.

[11] Rokeiach 296; Seder Chinuch Hayiladim of Rabbeinu Efraim Mibuna; Seder Chinuch Hayeladim Sefer Hasufos 282; Shevach Habris p. 138; Shulchan Menachem 5:34; Hearos Ubiurim Ohalei Torah 1019 p. 44; Hiskashrus 904 p. 13

[12] Rama Y.D. 245:8; Igros Kodesh 12:288

[13] Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:1; See Rama 245:8 “Immediately after reaching age three, he is to be taught the letters of the Torah”; See Igros Kodesh 12:288; 14:39, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:33; Nitei Gavriel 19:1

[14] Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:1; Michaber 245:5

[15] Michaber E.H. 1:3; Kiddushin 29b; Pesachim 113a; Mishneh Pirkei Avos end of chapter 5:22; Rambam Ishus 15:2 writes from 17 years of age

The reason: Although in general, a person must fulfill all the Mitzvos as soon as he turns 13 years of age, nevertheless, the Sages received that regarding the Mitzvah of Peri Urevu it only begins at age 18. The reason for this is because one is required to learn Torah, and one only has time to properly do so prior to marriage. [See Michaber Y.D. 246:2] Now, the Torah learning of the Talmud begins from age 15, as stated in the Mishneh in Avos, [and therefore the Sages gave 2-3 years of learning the Talmud prior to marriage]. [Chelkas Mechokeik 1:2; Beis Shmuel 1:3; See Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 3:1] The reason why the Sages stated one should get married at 18, even though it takes five years to complete Talmudic studies, is because it is possible to learn after marriage without too many distractions for about 2-3 years, prior to having many children. [Admur ibid]

[16] Igros Kodesh 13:23; 18:436; 20:175 “If only that the Ashkenazim would also get married at a very young age”; 23:221-222; 29:272; Letter 5,974 “You should be Makpid on the teaching in the Mishneh of 18 years old for marriage, as certainly the Mishneh is reliable and it applies to all types of Jews”; On the other hand, see Igros Kodesh 10:202; 28:341 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 6:95] where the Rebbe seems to resolve with the custom of getting married in the early 20’s and not 18 or even 20 years old.

[17] Beis Shmuel 1:3; Taz 1:3 in name of Maagid Mishneh; Biur Hagoleh 1:3 in name of Rambam; Maggid Mishneh on Rambam 15:1; Rambam Ishus 15:2 writes from 17 years of age; Aruch Hashulchan 1:11

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one is to get married after completing his 18^th year, which is after his 18^th birthday. [Bach 1, brought in Taz 1:3]

[18] Michaber ibid; Yevamos 62b; Sanhedrin 77b; Rav Chisda in Kiddushin 29b “If I would have married at 14”

The reason: As he quashes his lusts and passions from the Yetzer Hara, and is like sticking an arrow into his eyes. [Kiddushin 30a; Rambam Issurei Biyah 21:25]

[19] Birkeiy Yosef 1 in name of Rabbeinu Yona in his Tzava, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 1:2; Aruch Hashulchan 1:11; See Igros Kodesh 29:272

The reason: As the people are weaker [i.e. less mature] and the generations have changed [and are thus unable to handle marriage at such a young age]. [ibid]

[20] Likkutei Torah p. 2a

[21] See Shabbos 89b; Yerushalmi Bikkurim 6b; Midrash Raba Bamidbar 18:4; Zohar Vayeira 118b, Hazinu 298:3; Rashi in Bereishis 23:1, and beginning of Ki Sisa; Rambam Pirush Hamishnayos Sanhedrin 7:4; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 155; Pischeiy Teshuvah Y.D. 185:9; Chacham Tzevi 47 and 49; Noda Beyehuda Tinyana Y.D. 164; Chavos Yair 166 [end]; Rav Poalim 3 O.C. 37; Chida in Pesach Eiynayim Chagiga 15a; Maharitz Chayos on Shabbos ibid; Pardes Yosef beginning of Chayeh Sarah; Shearim Hametzuyanim Bhelacha

[22] Sources which bring above statement: Shabbos 89b; Yerushalmi Bikkurim 6b; Midrash Raba Bamidbar 18:4; Zohar Vayeira 118b, Hazinu 298:3; Rashi in Bereishis 23:1, and beginning of Ki Sisa; Sources who qualify it: Rambam Pirush Hamishnayos Sanhedrin 7:4; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 155; Pischeiy Teshuvah Y.D. 185:9; Chacham Tzevi 47 and 49; Noda Beyehuda Tinyana Y.D. 164; Chavos Yair 166 [end]; Rav Poalim 3 O.C. 37; Chida in Pesach Eiynayim Chagiga 15a; Maharitz Chayos on Shabbos ibid; Pardes Yosef beginning of Chayeh Sarah; Shearim Hametzuyanim Bhelacha

[23] Pirkei Avos 5:21

[24] Admur Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:1; Rashi Avos ibid

[25] See Likkutei Sichos Vol. 20 Noach p. 19

[26] See Likkutei Sichos Vol. 34 Parshas Tavo Sicha 3 [p. 160] in length

[27] Avoda Zara 19a; Sotah 22b

[28] Rama 242:31; Beis Yosef 242 in name of Ran; Rashi Avos ibid; Semak

[29] Michaber C.M. 7:3; Beis Yosef 242; Avkas Rochel 201 p. 361; Kesef Mishneh and Lechem Mishneh on Rambam ibid; Rambam Talmud Torah 5:4; Birkeiy Yosef C.M. 10:5

[30] Michaber ibid

[31] Rama ibid

[32] Rama 242:31 [permits only if no greater Rav in city]; Pischeiy Teshuvah 242:16 in name of Shevus Yaakov 1:140 explains that only Issur Viheter is forbidden while Dinei Mamonus is permitted; Aruch Hashulchan 242:57; See Radbaz 6:2147; Maharashdam C.M. 1; Lechem Mishneh ibid; Divrei Halacha 242:13; Hilchos Talmud Torah of Rav Ashkenazi 2 p. 433; Shevet Hakehasi 1:263; Pesakim Veteshuvos 242:42; See Toras Menachem 5748 2:39

[33] See Shach 242:6

[34] Teshuvah Meahavah in Hosafos on 242:31; See however Yabia Omer 4 C.M. 1

[35] Shabbos 152a

[36] See Sichas Parshas Shemini 1963; Balak 1964; Shmini 1964; Yud Beis Tamuz 1965; Noach 1927; Naso 1968; Shavuos 1968; Dvarim 1980; 13th Nissan 1982; Ki Sisa 1984; Balak 1984; Mikeitz 1985; 12th Teves 1987; Vayakhel 1988; Ki Seitzei 1988; Hisvadyos 1991 Vol. 4 p. 298; See Otzer Minhagei Chabad ibid and Adar 211-214; Kuntrus of “Gezeiras Hamashkeh Bepurim” by Rav Nachmonson;

[37] See Sefer Haerechin Chabad Osiyos Hatorah Mem p. 164

[38] Avoda Zara 5b

[39] Sotah 2a; Sanhedrin 22a

[40] Mishneh Mikvaos

[41] Rambam Avoda Zara 1

[42] Likkutei Sichos 5:133-134; Shulchan Menachem 3:361

[43] Rav Yosef in Moed Katan 28a; Leket Yosher Y.D.

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